Gratitude

Being a hypocrite requires a constant state of denial.  And not just denial that I am in fact a hypocrite.

Here are a few truths that I am denial about on a regular basis.

  • I’m not nearly as awesome as I think I am.
  • I’m not the inspiring person that I want people to think I am.
  • I’m in desperate need of guidance and help.
  • I haven’t done anything to deserve the blessed life I have.

When I ignore these truths or even actively push them away, it becomes easy for me to fall right into my hypocritical practice of building up this persona that I want the people in my life to see.  Even now as I think about sharing these confessions, I can’t help but think, “I hope people don’t read this and think I’m a completely horrible person.  I mean, I’m not that bad!” Denial.

There is one thing that I’m beginning to think will help combat this habitual denial.  It’s the intentional practice of gratitude.  When I think about how thankful I am to God and to the people in my life, it becomes difficult to think too highly of myself.  Gratitude towards God helps me refocus on who God really is, my Creator, and who I really am, a humble part of his creation.

How can I possibly think I’m “all that” and try to convince others that I’ve got it all together when I’m dwelling on the reality of my station.  That reality is that I owe all that I am and all that I have to God.

So, today I am thankful that God is leading me down this path of recovery.  I am thankful that he is not allowing me to remain in my hypocrisy and denial.

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