If there is one thing that will screw up my focus, it’s the replay button in my brain.
Why do I always play back the dumb things that I say in front of people? It makes it so hard to concentrate on anything. I like to think that I say plenty of un-dumb things, but the replay button gets stuck on the profoundly idiotic.
I am not kidding when I say that there have been multiple times that this has gotten so bad that I have prayed that God would let me completely forget that I ever said that foot-in-the-mouth comment.
I’m thinking that the vow of silence taken by some monks is a pretty good idea for someone like me.
In Mark 9 Jesus tells his disciples that if something causes them to sin they should get rid of it. I’ve always hoped that he was using imagery when he said to actually cut off your hand if it was found to be the cause. How do my flippant, inconsiderate, ignorant words fit into this? Should I really just stop talking?
Then, I’m reminded of the verse that says, “Out of the mouth comes the overflow of the heart.” I had to look that up to be sure it was in fact in the Bible. It’s found in Luke 6:45.
This makes me think that my real problem is in my heart. If I have the love for people that Jesus calls me to, then I wouldn’t be so inconsiderate of their feelings. If I had his patience, I wouldn’t snap at them in frustration.
I’m not saying that the vow of silence wouldn’t possibly be helpful. But giving God the room he needs in my heart to transform it and mold me into something more like himself… I really feel that is were God wants me.
I was reading 2 Corinthians 4. It says, “We have this treasure in jars of clay.” The treasure of the love and grace of God is inside me, a fragile and imperfect jar of clay. I’ll probably never understand why God chooses to use imperfect people to share His love with the world, but I think I’m beginning to understand that I have to show that love despite my imperfections.
Final random thought: Maybe I should begin adding to my prayer that God would make other people forget the dumb things I say.